Thursday, December 13, 2007

delicious food's second greatest hit - "precious foods"

here it is, jerks! delicious food has written a follow up to the number one greatest hit, "Deep Fried." I must admit, my mood was very different for this one. "Deep Fried" reflected much of my happiness regarding delicious food, and the wonderful experiences surrounding it. Last night, however, my mood was darker, deeper...more desperate. Dark enough, in fact, to be inspired Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos of all things. and that, my friends, is some dark shit. at least if you're 15. which i'm not. i'm just sayin'...

call it an angry, angst-filled rant. call it my proverbial cry for help. call it brilliance (actually i would prefer if you call it brilliance. let's be honest here, most of what i write is pure brilliance). call it what you will. frankly, i call it greatness. i call it....

"Precious Foods"

So I ate fasterbut it caught me here. Yes my stomach turnedlike the yogurt up in the fridge. Right next to the pickles, underneath the mayonaise.

These precious foods. cheesesteaks, rice and beans and corn. These precious foods, guacamole, crunchy bacon bits.

He said youre really a hungry girl...and I like the way you chew. And I died. But I thanked him. Can you believe it? I chomp, chomp, holding on to that chicken, that chicken leg.

I wanna smash my face in, into that beautiful cake, that birthday cake, so you can make me eat, that doesnt make you je-e-sus.

These precious foods. cheesesteaks, rice and beans and corn. These precious foods, guacamole, crunchy bacon bits.

I remember grits in my peach cobbler days, no one cared, no one dared to tell me where the collard greens are...those butter beans.with their sweet iced tea and little butter biscuits tucked inside the picnic basket of my heart.

These precious foods. cheesesteaks, rice and beans and corn. These precious foods, guacamole, crunchy bacon bits.


xoxo, delicious food

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Opposite of Delicious is "Milk Teeth"

god. i am pissed.

if there's one thing i can't stand, its when people ruin food. now, i'm not just talking about the basic stuff, like when people put coconut on a perfectly good fruit salad, or when somebody puts BRAN in a banana bread, or like when somebody hides a pill in your applesauce...jeez! what the eff? i mean that's bad enough. but listen up people! i recently witnessed the worst of the worst, the grossest of the gross, the one thing that almost pushed me over the edge. i was so pissed off i couldn't even eat. i mean, i couldn't even EAT. You know why? because for some ungodly, stupid ass reason, people are making food that looks like a different food. sick. blech.

okay, let me explain. i'm a bit flustered and confused, and my usually elegant and brilliant wordplay is somewhat lacking, i must admit. But you'd be in a state too if you'd seen what i saw! people are taking one kind of food and making it look like something else! like this one...and i shudder even to write it....GUMMY FRIED EGGS. do they taste like fried eggs? No. are they made of egg? No, they're gummy. are they the grossest thing you'll ever see in your life? Fuck Yes.

i don't even know what everyone's problem is. jerks. try to make me go off the food. i'll show you. i'll show you all. anyhow, as usual, come see the pictures. and get ready to vomit. I don’t even want to TELL you about "milk teeth." excuse me. I'm vomitting right now.





Moderately less offensive. STILL SOMEWHAT OFFENSIVE THOUGH.


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The 2 Most Requested Halloween Recipes

You greedy little goblins didn't get enough on Saturday night, did ya? You want more of the delicious food from the Halloween party, do ya? Well make it yourself!

This stuff is delicious and always a hit at parties. Rather than slicing, it should be pulled apart and eaten with hands like a monkey. I sometimes prepare it ahead of time and then just bake it an hour before I want to serve it.

2 cans of refrigerated biscuits (10 pack, any flavor)
2 Tbs cinnamon
2 Tbs sugar
1 stick of butter/margarine
1 cup of brown sugar

Preheat oven to 375. Non-stick spray a bundt cake pan. Mix cinnamon and sugar in a ziploc baggie. Cut biscuits into quarters. Toss biscuit quarters (4-6 at a time) into the baggie and shake until pieces are covered with cinnamon sugar mixture. Remove from baggie and throw in the bundt pan on top of each other. Melt the butter/margarine in a separate bowl. Stir the brown sugar in well. Pour the butter/brown sugar mixture over the biscuits in the pan. Tilt the pan back and forth so that the mixture moves into nooks and crannies.

Bake at 375 for 3-35 minutes. Immediately after removing from oven, turn the pan upside-down onto a plate. Best when baked shortly before being served.

courtesy of the lovely Tiffani- thanks girl!

4 boneless chicken breast cooked and shredded into pieces
1 container of cream cheese
1 8oz bottle of ranch dressing
1 8oz bottle of Texas Pete Buffalo Wing Sauce
3 cups of mozzarella and cheddar cheese

Just cook and shred the chicken, add the remaining ingredients, placing a portion of the shredded cheese on top and cook in the oven until bubbly and warm. Serve with celery, carrots and chips!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Spooktacular and Tantalizing!

So I just flew back to Sandwich, Illinois, and boy is my stomach tired. And full. And broken, kind of. This somewhat satisfying, but more so horrifyingly uncomfortable, condition is a direct result of yet another crashed party. That’s right, jerks. Since there was nothing good happening anywhere nearby ever in life (no thanks to you, my lazy ass “fans”), I invited my damn self to a spectacular Halloween party in Hotlanta, Georgia. Or should I say “spooktacular?” No, I agree. I don’t want to sound like a total knob. I’ll stick to spectacular.

And spectacular it was. The table was heavy with vittles; dips, chips, carbs, and cupcakes abounded. Tiny sandwiches were made with spinach dip and triangles of rye bread. There were appearances of foreign foods from several different lands, beyond even the Midwest. My famous “Stew” was created once again when I placed crushed up barbecue potato chips on top of the spinach and tomato couscous and ate it with a fork. Yeah, that’s right. You don’t even know me. This party rocked.

The one complaint I had was all the waste. I swear, one girl spilled four drinks all by herself within about seven minutes. For real? I mean, for REAL? God. Anyhow, there was also the incident with the tray of vodka-infused jello. You see, the bottom layer, or “skin,” if you will, was extremely hard and chewy, so people were just eating the top and throwing the gross part out in the yard. I understand being disgusted by certain things, i.e. certain curry flavors, funny bites of chicken, seafood in general (sick, guys). But really, this was just jello! What a waste…what a shame.

Oh, and one last thing. I love Burger King as much as the next guy, but when somebody showed up dressed up as the king, I just about lost it. I HATE that king! I couldn’t even look at his stupid monkey face. Not a good representative of the delicious burgers they sell, my friends. Not at all.

Besides the obvious stupidity and creepiness described above so eloquently, I have to say…this was a damn good party. And you missed it. Suckers. That’s what you get for being such suckers. I would strongly suggest coming to see the new pictures. I mean, it won’t even be close, I can guarantee that. But it’ll be as close as you jerks will ever get. Damn. What would you even do without me?

Xoxo, delicious food
P.S. There were a few other VERY delicious dishes --- Monkey Bread and Buffalo Chicken Dip to name a couple -- that did not get photographed becuase my dears, I overindulged on the hard stuff and lost my camera for awhile. Apologies for this act of neglect!

A cupcake tribute to the Chicago Bears

Ceasar Salad with fresh parmesean

Dolma (stuffed grapeleaves) and lemon slices

Black bean and corn salsa

Frankenstein Cookies (courtesy of A Bustle in a Hedgerow and A Spring clean for the May Queen)

Bruschetta on toast

Hummus with olive oil

Spinach dip with pretzel chips

veggie tray with ranch dressing

macaroni and cheese with tomatoes and peas

Couscous with spinach, tomatoes, and melted cheese

Mozzarella Cheese Sticks with Marinara Sauce (also delicious with CoolWip when in a munchie mood)

A cheese and ham party platter - a surprise from the sexiest Black Widow I've ever seen.

Life saving yogurt-covered pretzels - there was a rumor that one of the party hosts ate nothing but these and snap peas all night.

A Skeleton and Martian cake - dreadful! A delightful contribution from the Pearly Gates AND the Fires of Hell

Monday, October 1, 2007

"Deep Fried" a song by delicious food

(sing to the tune of "When Doves Cry")

dig, if you will, a picture of you and i with kabob, shish. the smell of a barbecue covers me. can you, my darling, can you picture shish?

dream, if you can, a sandwich. layers and layers of cheese. add some guacamole and tomatoes. don't make me taste you without a touch of mayoneese.

how can you just leave me standing alone without beer that's cold? maybe i'm just too demanding. maybe i'm just like fresh pizza dough, just rolled. maybe i'm just like a hunger that's never satisfied. why can't we eat with each other? this is what life tastes like...deep fried.

touch, if you will, my stomach. feel how it trembles inside. you've got the appetizers tied up. don't make me chase you, at least pass me a side.

how can you just leave me standing alone with a plate full of mold. maybe i'm just too demanding. maybe i like my gazpacho icy cold. maybe i'm just like my brother. he prefers rice noodles, wide. why can't we eat with each other? this is what life tastes like...deep fried.

ooh deep fried.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Happy Delicious New Year!

Sisters and Brothers,

I was very happy and surprised to be invited to a lovely dinner party in honor of Rosh Hashanah. Happy because the evening was filled with enough delicious dishes to satisfy even the toughest Jewish mother; surprised because my passive-aggression has tended more towards aggression lately and invitations have subsequently declined…. jerks.

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, the symbolic anniversary of the creation of the world. Jewish tradition sees everyone as being created anew at this time every year. So boys and girls, even though your dear Delicious Food is more of the Goyim persuasion, I too get a second chance to quit my kvetching and stop being such a schmuck.

Delicious Food is thankful that our lovely host scrapped the more traditional New Year Food like the heads of gefilte fish and tzimmes (stewed carrots with prunes… Oy Gavalt!!!). Instead, we ate sweet foods like noodle kugel and apple pie as a symbol of our wish for a sweet year. We dined like kings and queens; my belly is still full.

Be a mensch and check out the new pictures. Shana Tova!

Challah, hand braided. Makes me think of the Sex in the CIty episode when Charlotte is trying to become a Jew: "I have to braid the CHAAALLLLAAAH!" Whiny prat.

Noodle Kugel. Sweet AND Savory.

Roasted sweet potatoes and beets. The colors evoke the beaty of autumntime- well, before you eat them that is. The other end isn't so pretty. Yeah I'm talking about poo.

Pear, feta an walnut salad

Devilled eggs with paprika and fresh basil

Roast chicken and asparagus

Plate of deliciousness

Inside out Apple Pie

The beautiful dinner table complete with delicious wine.
xoxo, delicious food

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Memorial No More(ial)

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet you thought it would be a real memorial. I bet you thought I was gone forever. A faint memory in the sea of deliciousness...a lingering taste in your mouth from the last bite...mere steam rising from a, oh I don't know, soup tureen, I guess.

Well, stand corrected, jerks! 'Tis a memorial no more! I am back, and so much better than ever. After Thanksgiving, I went into hiding. You see, Thanksgiving 2006 was somewhat disappointing; while the appetizers varied slightly from years past, the entrees were nothing new, nothing special. In fact, I could have listed the main courses before I even saw them. Same old, same old. Every year, its the same old.

I thought I had lost my taste for life, my flavor for food, my passion for passionfruit. I needed a boost, my friends, a pick-me-up like none other. and finally, that boost happened. I attended a Memorial Day Barbecue.As I have learned, the term "barbecue" varies greatly dependent on one's location. Some call it a Barbecue. Some call it a grill out. Some say BBQ. Some simply prefer "sausage fest." whatever your personal opinion, its all pretty much the same. delicious food at a delicious price. free!

And so, my friends, I welcome you back to my life of deliciousness, my impeccably beautiful pictures and descriptions, my food-inspired heaven. while i believe this unbelievable phenomenon should probably be v.i.p. members/by invite only, I guess I'll make a few exceptions. this time. next time, though, watch out. You better impress me.

And that, my friends, takes a lot of moxy. Or, you know, a lot of sausage.

these are called cheddarwurst. yeah, there's cheese inside.

homemade ribs, fools!

these are brats. cooked in beer. maybe you've heard of them?

spinach salad with craisins and candied walnuts. sexy!!!

garnish. relish. cherish.

couscous with spinach and tomatoes. no meat in here!

BUNS! these are various buns! the meat goes in the buns! HAHAHAHA!

potato and beet salad. its so pink! tastes even better when 3 days old.

chicken and lamb kabobs. there's liver in between if you look closely.

pickled things. these are very tasty at the end of the meal.
xxoo, delicious food

Monday, June 11, 2007

My New Home

Did you miss me? When I was gone, did you miss me? Well I didn't really miss any of you, considering I never get any love anymore. Really, my message inbox is constantly empty, my comments are seriously lacking...even my hate mail and threatening letters have dwindled to practically nothing. Bitch bitch bitch.

Anyhow, I highly doubt you even NOTICED I was gone, but I was. My most recent search for delicious food took me abroad, pals, and let me tell you, it was quite a journey. I'm back at my new home here on Blogger but I promise to continue to visit my old home on MySpace.

Realizing that I had to make myself more available to my fans was truly a humbling experience. A delicious, humbling, international, internationally acclaimed experience. Now I truly encourage you to stay and see the pictures, check out the blog, and for god's sake, give me some love.

I got love in far-off MySpace, why can't I get it here?

xoxo, delicious food