Sunday, September 27, 2009

North Cackalacka: Home of the Everything. All the Time.

Oh. My. Word.

Do you know that I haven't made a blog in almost one year?? SO LAZY!!! I just can't help myself, dudes. I guess I could apologize, but really, I don't think I will. I mean, I know you all sit around, waiting for me to post new delicious pictures and new delicious blogs, and when I don't, it's like your entire soul is tortured and nothing in your life matters anymore. Am I right? I mean, you're pretty lucky to be reading this at all! So then, instead of apologizing for my extremely extended absence, I will instead say to you: You're Welcome. Let this be a gift to you, from an extremely generous giver. Me.

So one thing that I spent my time doing in the last year was traveling far and wide across the U.S. of A. Here's a little glimpse into one previously unvisited corner of the country: North Carolina. Man, these people know how to EAT! Seriously, I couldn't even tell you any of the other activities we did there. What matters is that we ate. Like, everything. And quite the variety! I had the pleasure of staying with an Italian. Who knows how to cook. AND! Who also knows how to go out to eat. What better combination in a woman?

Here are the pictures from my trip. Check the pics, forward my page, subscribe to the blog...basically, help me brag about how great I am! Wooo!

And as I sad before: You're Welcome.

xoxo, Delicious Food

A local delicacy called "coffee." I went out on a limb and put sugar and milk in mine. Delicious! Served with some sort of cheesy pastry.

Some sort of italian sub. It was so hard to stop eating in order to take this picture. That's why it's not a great picture.

So many beers...don't ask me what they all tasted like. Everything runs together. Booze is booze, man.


Okay, so it's really just a tiny plate.

Turkey burger with montery jack cheese, sauteed veggies. I know, veggies are bogus sometimes. But dudes, we ate SO MUCH! Gimme a break!

Oh holy eff. NC Barbecue with coleslaw and Brunswick Stew. I...I can't even explain. My mouth waters. I grow faint with hunger and desire

Hush puppies! You put butter on this shit. I'm serious.

Chess pie. Who knew pie without chocolate or cherries could be so delicious? I think it's custard based. Oh, and sugar based.

So this was growing from a tree. After consulting the experts, we determined it was a caper. Hmm!

Homemade pizza, made my the Italian woman I stayed with. She made the dough herself, topped with olive oil, red and yellow tomatoes, and CHEESE!!!

I know you don't make friends with salad, but this one, I liked. I'm thinking it's the non-lettuce base.

Fruit! Uh...fruit.

Okay, so this was my monochromatic breakfast one morning. Omelette with white cheddar cheese and tasty onions. And cheese grits!

Black bean patties with eggs over medium and fresh salsa. And breakfast beer! Holy eff, these NCers do it up.

POUTINE. I'd eat this every day, but then I'd die by cholesterol.As in, my body would be made entirely of cholesterol.​Delicious choleste

Angel hair pasta with homemade pesto. Again, made by the Italian lady.

I'm telling you, this whole "homemade" thing really started to catch on! I mean, when somebody else makes it. Not me. I'm too lazy.

These southerners are Crazy People.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

It's Been Such a Long Time, I think I Must be Going... To the bathroom to vomit that is

Dudes, dudes! I have had such a gross day based on unsolicited food suggestions from jackasses that I was moved (in addition to a certain other kind of movement) to share my outrage with you, my frenemies.

See, I was minding my own business checking my email, enjoying a lovely and fulfilling breakfast of Oikos Greek Yogurt with Honey when what flashed across my screen but a recipe for [wait for it] Creamy Spam Broccoli Casserole.

Oh. my. GAWD. Unless you're talking creamed spinach or clotted cream you better keep the cream references outta my face! And then you add SPAM??? I am convinced that this recipe had to be paid for by Beloit, Wisconsin, aka the home of the Hormel factory that fills the whole town with Spam fragrance. Who else would think this is a good idea?? Grody to the max.

And then, while I was indulging in delicious 5 cheese tortellini with spinach and sauteed portobella mushrooms, I find again in my email box, That Thing in a Jar:

Here's the disgusting description: Put homemade coleslaw and smoked turkey in a jar. Drizzle a bit of organic apple juice for sweetening. Add a layer of chopped barbecue meat from the grill, drizzle with barbecue sauce (add a touch of organic honey), and top with a layer of mac ’n’ cheese. (Anderson suggests baked elbow mac with white cheddar and parmesan grated coarsely over the top.) Finish with a layer of crumbled cornbread.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? This has to be a mistake. If there is anything beautiful left in this world somebody please better come and gag me with a spoon. You advertisers are making me start to hate food and for this YOU and your STUPID FACES WILL PAY. Yeah you heard me. Watch out, jerks. I'm coming, I'm hungry AND I'm nauseous.

Screw Flanders.