Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Opposite of Delicious is "Milk Teeth"

god. i am pissed.

if there's one thing i can't stand, its when people ruin food. now, i'm not just talking about the basic stuff, like when people put coconut on a perfectly good fruit salad, or when somebody puts BRAN in a banana bread, or like when somebody hides a pill in your applesauce...jeez! what the eff? i mean that's bad enough. but listen up people! i recently witnessed the worst of the worst, the grossest of the gross, the one thing that almost pushed me over the edge. i was so pissed off i couldn't even eat. i mean, i couldn't even EAT. You know why? because for some ungodly, stupid ass reason, people are making food that looks like a different food. sick. blech.

okay, let me explain. i'm a bit flustered and confused, and my usually elegant and brilliant wordplay is somewhat lacking, i must admit. But you'd be in a state too if you'd seen what i saw! people are taking one kind of food and making it look like something else! like this one...and i shudder even to write it....GUMMY FRIED EGGS. do they taste like fried eggs? No. are they made of egg? No, they're gummy. are they the grossest thing you'll ever see in your life? Fuck Yes.

i don't even know what everyone's problem is. jerks. try to make me go off the food. i'll show you. i'll show you all. anyhow, as usual, come see the pictures. and get ready to vomit. I don’t even want to TELL you about "milk teeth." excuse me. I'm vomitting right now.


GROSS

SICK

WHO WANTS TO EAT GLASS???

NOT IF YOU PAID ME IN MEATBALLS!

Moderately less offensive. STILL SOMEWHAT OFFENSIVE THOUGH.

SNAKES??? I'm VOMITTING!!!!


2 comments:

Holy Shit We are Getting Hitched said...

I'm sad over here. Gummy coke bottles are my favorite!

Anonymous said...

The gummy coke bottles are indeed amazing. They should be taken off the list.