Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Surviving the Land of Seafood

Hey there suckers! It's me, Delicious Food, gracing you with my delicious, generously kind, sexy-as-hell presence. Welcome to awesomeness, once again. You're not even going to believe my last adventure. Check this out...

My most recent travels took me to the Far East; in fact, I went as far east as New England! Thats pretty damn far, if you ask me. I had some business to attend to there, but as we've seen in the past, food would inevitably win out over business. A person's gotta eat, right? I've heard delicious rumors about the wonders of the East Coast cuisine, and I was ecstatic to go sample the local food. But I tell ya what, dudes. I should have done my research.

Did you even know that New England is famous for SEAFOOD??? What the hell? I mean, I know it's on the sea and everything, but damn. Who wants to be famous for seafood? I can't think of a more hated food, in my opinion at least. And where was all the English food? Did they leave it behind in Olde England? There was no bangers and mash to be found, no steak and kidney pie, nothing! What gives?

Thankfully, with the help of some fast thinking and creative minds (along with the irresistibly charming sparkle in my eye and sexy swagger in my walk), I was able to scrounge up a few bites to eat in the time I spent there. But it was a true challenge. One that not just anybody can take on. I'm lucky I got out alive...

My associate and I stumbled upon some deliciousness here and there, and I now like to think of this food as the staples of New England. You know...margaritas, nachos, fries, get the idea. Regular People food. It's what us human beings like to eat. So it is with great confidence and pride that I say the following:

Sucks to you seafood. Sucks to you.

Check out the pictures and subscribe to the blog! Eat your heart out, bitches.

xoxo, Delicious Food

Eggs Florentine (fancy word for spinach) plus toast and Boston Baked Beans
Omelette with potatoes and bacon and sour cream and cheese and more beans. Beans in the morning = gassy all day long.
Baked artichoke dip that tasted mostly like cheese and garlic.
Grilled chicken sammie with cheese and avocado, and a side of sweet potato fries
An associate of mine sampled the crab cakes. It's the closest thing to seafood I'd eat. But I probably won't.
The classy version of Burger King's Italian Chicken Sandwich. Snobbery, I say.
Strawberry margarita. God, finally.
Mango margarita. Dessert to the strawberry one, which was the main course.
Chips and salsa, one of the more traditional New England foods.
A big ass pile of nachos.
Quesadilla. No shrimp in this, mind you. I'm not stupid.
Chocolate chip cookies. There's just no way to eff these up.
Oh, just a little street called SANDWICH ST!
And two separate towns, both called Sandwich! I'm glad SOMEbody in Nude England has some sense...

I tell you, man. I just cannot get behind an entire region that specializes in seafood. So, with that, I say sucks to you, not only seafood, but all of Nude England! I'm going to spend more time in the midwest, where cakes are made of batter and there are no shrimps hidden in my pasta. You know, normal things. Jeez.